March... Going to Waste

Who's there???

I mean honestly, I can see a room, but I don't hear anyone in it, and I don't think there is anyone is this room. What's that about? Who's there??? Am I walking into every room and finding myself standing alone? Check the real shit, "17 Days" by Prince. That song is cool. I love it. It connects with me. I know people who complain about being "lonely". They claim they're lonely more than they should. They hang out with people and do some shit with their friends, but they're lonely. Huh. Now this is them being lonely. My reality is being alone. I'm alone for real now. It's not a "I choose not to e around people" thing. I don't invite myself to hang out with people. That's rude. But they don't invite my black ass either. Are we even? Nope. Prince said this chick has been gone for "17 Days" and he just wants her to come back, but she's too busy to notice. Yet she always complained about loneliness. I feel alone. I don't say shit. It's just not what I do.

Been alone for more than "17 Days". Been alone for so damn long, I'm used to the normality of the loneliness. Still isn't a good feeling. I want some shit to do. Need to get a job, but no one is hiring. Fuck it. So March is going to waste. I'm losing it. I just want April to get here. Rain seems appropriate. It's not fucking up my plans to go out. So be it. What I want, is just for someone to say "you aight?" "You want to hang out or some shit?" "You shouldn't be alone." "Let's chill, you don't need to be alone." I'm always alone... Hurtful shit.

Peace, Love, and Purple Rain.

Gangsta Cru

Can't wait for things to happen...

You really can't.

I have to get out there and make shit happen for myself. Nobody is giving out deals. Well, they are, but not for the right reasons and damn sure not to the right people. Deals are going to the most marketable and not the most lyrical. More or less, you don't even have to have decent lyrics for a deal. That shit just isn't required. Do you have a single? Can we market you? And is your fanbase broad enough to appeal to everyone? Plus you have to have a ringtone package. It is what it is. I have to be hungry. I have to be ready for rhyming at all times because I'm not feeling this "you ready" attitude that people hit me with. Shit has got to change. I'm not waiting.

Peace, Love, and Purple Rain.

February... Fuck It

Nothing special about it but my Daddy's birthday.

So check it, I'm not back 100%. I'm with my other blogs half of the damn time. My bad. Anyway, my new shit is still the whole "Fuck it" theme. Shit is still bad, so I'm still not happy about it. Check it though, I'm okay with it. Shit will not jump like that. Right now I just have to focus on some more important shit. Me and this music have to happen. Fuck everything else. Me and the music are rolling right now. I love my people and all, but this is something I have to do. In the meantime, I damn sure have to get some money. I need it for the music. Until the next time around... Peace.

2008 Shit

Let me see it... Let me see it

UGK is my shit. Anyway, check me out: I'm making myself sick with how good my songwriting is getting. I just caught my second wind. I've caught it more than once. Anyway, I feel good yo. No bullshit. I was kinda in a slump at the end of the year. That Pimp C shit hit me hard, but hey "One Day" says it all. Peep it though, I'm sure things will brighten for the kid.

I'm checking the scene out. I have to step the vocals up though. I need to tighten it up. I'm thinking about things yo. Shit is just getting crazy, if you can imagine. The fire went down December 21, 2007. Nobody got hurt, we were stuck in a hotel for like 6 days and shit. I couldn't sleep and didn't write and just couldn't focus on anything. Y'all know me people. I have to be able to think and breathe and feel something better than confusion and fucked up.

Baby... You just don't know. I feel things getting strange. Still out of luck with the opposite sex. I mean damn, you would think differently, but hell, it's not jumping off. I mean don't get me wrong people, I'm cool, but I'm waiting for the damn Spring Fever to hit me like that ton of bricks that you never expect. Guys drive me crazy in the Spring. I can't help it, but I can. I don't attack it all, know what I mean? Some guys you know... but you don't really want like that. I'm just collecting info and what have you. Niggas got me wrong for a minute though. They are on some "I just want to hit it shit". I'm not the one. Let these other chicks get down like that.

Real talk: Who the fuck are you to be wanting me to have sex with you just because you think that we're chillin' like that? We can chill as long as possible, but I might never want to get down with you like that. Some dudes need to know that shit. I look, but I can't see myself getting down with people just because I like the look. Damn that. Boys do that shit. I'm not a boy. I'm a grown ass woman. I don't want to run out and chase niggas who are clearly only concerned with trying to have sex. I'm not saying that it's not on my mind, but it's not the only thing on my mind. Niggas need to leave it alone. We are cool, but can we not try to go there?

Bored with how people address me. No one is making a big deal over me, but damn, act like you notice me. I notice y'all. We are coming to a place in our lives where we should be past bullshit. Don't hit me with some off color sideways shit. My time is important and if you value yours, you wouldn't waste either of ours. Fuck the games. Get something on your mind. I'm trying to do shit, if all you're trying to do is that shit... Get the hell on with that. Feel me world. I neglect this blog. I apologize to it. I really do have a lot to tell you. Hopefully y'all let me keep logging on and driving people crazy. I like that. Get it popping huh? Peace.

You Love Me More than You Know...

Gangsta Cru

Open my heart, soul, and mind...

Breakthrough!!!

With music. I am deeply involved with music. I love it. It can bring me great joy, but can also move me to tears. Crazy stuff. I'm good when there is music involved. Life without music wouldn't mean shit to me. I can count the things I love on one hand. My family, Music, Food, and Art. Four things. I don't think I made it so that I never loved anything more, but it is possible to love something else. I think I do, but I don't want to offend any third parties. My thing to love might be someone else's and I don't need the damn drama. You can't "have" him, but while you do, enjoy him. Wishing nothing bad to him, because I kinda love him, but if he's happy, I can only try to be happy for him. That's my world... Peace.

More and More...

I'm finding nothing in my path but disappointment. I see things coming at a faster rate, and I can't seem to dodge them. They continue to happen, you know? And if I were to make sense of it all, I would have an easier time enjoying life. But they aren't for me to understand right now. I don't get any of it, happy? Not the lack of love, not the disappointment, not the loneliness, not even the boredom. I feel blank most days, but I get by with the help of music. Put something on and save my soul. Wouldn't want to blow my whole day being pissed off over what I can't control. So yeah, I'm in need of a better understanding of myself, and others are free to help, until then... I'm gone.

Welcome to my World!!!

If this was an accident...

Leave now people. I'm here too. I'm going to have some fun here. I have about 4 running blogs and they all say different shit. That's dope. I'm a writer. So feel it. I'm not a journalist, but I have qualities of one. I take things in and I give the world the story. Currently writing the story of my life. yes world, I'm a lyricist. I do this shit well. I'm a monster on beats. I'm currently drawing up the game plan. So give that time. All over myspace for that. Dig www.myspace.com/gangstacru and get to know the page. The blog is popping, but I need y'all to support the page. Until next time, I'm gone.